when you didn't get what you wanted

I woke up this morning with one thought heavy on my mind: what if you didn’t get what you wanted?  

Of course there are things we wish we’d gotten that we didn’t...a new car with a big red bow like in the commercials, or meeting the man of our dreams while cutting down our Christmas tree like in the Hallmark movies.


But what if we didn't get the things that really matter to us?


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at the end of myself

My husband gave me a new journal for Christmas. The journal is filled with inspirational quotes in the margins of each page. This quote served as the “Introduction”:

“Life throws us curveballs. Dreams get shaken by reality. We are sometimes put into situations we don’t have the strength or wisdom to handle. But the good news is we don’t have to! God loves it when we come to Him because we are at the end of ourselves. That’s when we start relying on Him. He is God of the impossible.”

Heading into this new year, I couldn’t be more “at the end” of myself.

I read this quote on a blog a few months ago, and it resonated with me:

“God does not often reveal His plans for us, because we would run away in fear of the trials that lie before us, not valuing the refining process that makes us a just a little more like Him.”

I have to say, if I’d known what my journey to motherhood had in store, I would have surely run away.

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My husband shared this with me when it popped up in his inbox months ago:

Tuesday April 29, 2014

Making Our Lives Available to Others

One of the arguments we often use for not writing is this: “I have nothing original to say. Whatever I might say, someone else has already said it, and better than I will ever be able to.” This, however, is not a good argument for not writing. Each human person is unique and original, and nobody has lived what we have lived. Furthermore, what we have lived, we have lived not just for ourselves but for others as well. Writing can be a very creative and invigorating way to make our lives available to ourselves and to others.

We have to trust that our stories deserve to be told. We may discover that the better we tell our stories the better we will want to live them.

– Henri J. M. Nouwen

The truth is, he and I both know that it applies directly to me–to our story. God gives me words to share on a daily basis, and I run them through my head and never put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard, in this case). But the words continue to build and sometimes I feel like I’ll explode if I don’t let them out.

It’s not that I don’t like to write. It’s that I don’t want to make myself vulnerable or to be misunderstood, or–heaven forbid–receive criticism. I have an abundance of posts that are just sitting as drafts because I am too chicken to hit the “Publish” button. But today, I will be brave.

I pray my words–my stories–will resonate with you.

Mother's Day

Mother's Day can be a bittersweet day for many women--especially for those of us longing to be mothers. This year it is a sweet one for me: I started off my weekend scavenging and then washing a tiny soccer uniform, making chocolate chip pancakes and listening to the sweet sound of my son singing "Jesus Loves Me" from his bedroom. But for anyone to fully understand just how sweet this was for me, I really need to start at the beginning of my story...

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